It would be wrong to apologize for the negativity I’ve been feeling lately because that would discount the reality of my feelings. Yet I realize that I’ve allowed negativity to colonize my mind. To paraphrase something I once heard the Dalai Lama say, “They’ve taken my land, but I won’t let them take my mind.” This is his way of explaining why nonviolence is so essential, because anytime you choose a violent path you immediately go to war against your heart.
In a sense, the sensations and pain I have felt from delving into the shadow of Western civilization have became a mild kind of emotional violence. I think it’s important to acknowledge and feel that pain, but at some point I/we have to move on. This doesn’t mean abandoning critical engagement of the world, but it does imply more mindfulness and care. Words have so much power, and often we don’t choose them carefully enough. I’m hoping to climb out of this space, but it’s not a matter of waving the magic wand.
For now I can start by breathing through it. What follows remains to be seen.
* Update *
Thanks to everyone who emailed me with blessings and kind words. I’m happy to report that someone returned my wallet (though it was missing 90 euros). All in all, my “identity” has been restored.
